By Captain Taneya Garrett
Administrator of Program, Long Beach, CA Adult Rehabilitation Center
Sometimes I move through my day holding onto the edge of my seat. I am a mom, a wife, a grandma, a Pastor, an administrator, and I have around 60 men who rely on me for support. I have a lot on my plate. Some days, days like today, I am doing my best. Life isn’t always easy, and I have been in seasons that are easier than others.
Often, I have tried to make the season the way I wanted it to be or how I thought people wanted it to be. All this did was stress me out. I didn’t know how to just be me. I can remember when my journey with the Lord started. I smile as I write this because it’s funny how God works. I would watch women, good Godly women and compare myself to them. They just didn’t wake up one day and be the person they are today. It took them time, but I didn’t understand that. All I saw was amazing women. They never seemed stressed. They seemed to have it all together. I remember saying to myself, “how can I be like them?”
I played this game in my mind for so long. Just when I thought I had it all worked out, something would trigger that thought again. A crazy cycle of comparing myself with other people. I can remember, just wanting to be a good Godly woman. I would allow myself to believe that there was no possible way, God could use a person like me. Today, I laugh at myself, but I remember thinking, if only God really knew me.
Little did I realize at the time, God knew me. God knows me and understands me better than I understand myself. It wasn’t until a few years ago, that I finally understood. I can only be who God created me to be and that I just needed to do the best I can. I was only able to come to this realization in His timing and by doing the work needed to grow and understand God more. The only way to understand God is to dig in His word. Jesus said, “she did what she could.”
I have found contentment, trusting in the words of Jesus and every day I do the best I can. This has allowed me to flourish, not only in my walk with the Lord, but also as a mom, a wife, a grandma and as a Godly woman. Yes, I am a Godly woman! Now,, I am not saying that I don’t still have seasons when I struggle, but I have learned to trust God for who He is and believe, that I am exactly who He created me to be. Do I still hold on very tight to the edge of my seat? The answer is Yes! That’s how God created me. Some days I am a mess and somedays I might have it together, but I learned to trust Him in whatever season I’m in.
“I have learned the secret of contentment in every situation..” Philippians 4:12 TLB